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butterflies

by ghosthands

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mrydzzy
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1.
who am i kidding 02:00
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Yeah I'm awake I'll play along, do you know where to drive If I wanted to be someone exciting I would try Why do you laugh Why do you say buckle in for the ride And that if I do the same thing over and over I might die Guess I'll go out swinging One punch and now we're spinning Drove around the block again Is that what you're calling new beginnings All this energy you're killing Bash my head in just to fit in I hope you're happy now, goddamn Well then who am I kidding Well who am I kidding A fiend of the blue light Think this screen is my prison Living through maps of places I'll never visit I'll go there in spirit Maybe wait till I don't feel so nauseous all the time Turn to someone that I never wanna be Throwing up my vices with a fake apology I don't get it, let me breathe There's nothing here to see There's nothing here to change Why you staring at me Why do you care Go out your way just enough to explain That if I do the same thing over and over I'm insane Guess I'll go out swinging One punch and now we're spinning Drove around the block again Is that what you're calling new beginnings All this energy you're killing Bash my head in just to fit in I hope you're happy now, goddamn Well then who am I kidding
2.
better fit 03:11
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Look me in the eye And tell me that I'm wonderful the way I am Is it something from a year ago Or something that I'd never understand Well I'll open the blinds For the very first time this week And I'll try to get there before nine So leave me alone Till I'm making my bed And I'm running round dead Yeah I'm running round Catch me on the ceiling So you don't catch me leaving Thrift store jeans and fake tattoos I can try to just be Someone else then we'll see If that's a better look On me, on me Why you talking all the same Now that's something that I never really got Are you telling me to grow Or to bloom into something I'm really not Then you owe me a ride To where you got in mind I hope it's not far, but I promised I'd try So show me around All the tiny hallways I'll be stuck in for days I'll be stuck here Is this a better fit That's exactly what you'd think Change my colours bit by bit Well keep it coming, keep it coming Is this a better look Well of course you say it's good Ripping pages out my books Till I'm running round dead Yeah I'm running round Catch me on the ceiling So you don't catch me leaving Thrift store jeans and fake tattoos I can try to just be Someone else then we'll see If that's a better look On me, on me I'll rub my eyes And act surprised When all I feel Is butterflies With paper wings That haunt my skin And cut my stomach up A wound for every sin Either way I'll keep them close It's just growing pains And pages filled with notes
3.
unfixed 02:43
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I got fireworks I'd rather keep in Is there any point to give them any meaning So take it how you will 'Cause I don't get the thrill Of speaking up Are you up Can't you tell what I mean, I can't either If we playing make-believe, I'm on fire I'll swear on the truth and swear I'm a liar Being honest might burn us alive I ain't gotta tell a soul You already going home now Keeping everything unfixed, wish I didn't give a shit I'ma put it in the background I appreciate the silence Rubbing bruises on my eyelids Stay awake for too long, play a million songs Said worry or not, it's all in my head So where's the lie You can take your time I can't fake my life I won't even try Can't you tell what I mean, I can't either If we playing make-believe, I'm on fire I'll swear on the truth and swear I'm a liar Being honest might burn us alive
4.
too late 02:35
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How you got so much energy I can't take it Those facades are hard to beat I'd rather be faceless I kill myself and I don't notice Jealousy but out of focus I don't think there's much below us now, nah Now I get why I always say Oh what a shame It's not enough, it's obvious this way But not much better Am I afraid Of waiting in vain Or burning out 'cause maybe I'm too late Too late, too late How you got so much shit to say I don't get it And why is everybody telling me to go that way That I gotta accept it I don't wanna live like I'm just a twenty second clip on your timeline Only see me when I'm living out my highlights Just a shell of a man, fiending for blue light, blue light Well am I doing it right I could always do better Making headway in spite Getting it down to the letter Selling my soul, so damn nonchalant I forgot how to blink but remembered to walk The sky could fall and I won't notice Picturesque but out of focus Don't look up and don't look below us now, nah Now I get why I always say Oh what a shame It's not enough, it's obvious this way But not much better Am I afraid Of waiting in vain Or burning out 'cause maybe I'm too late Too late, too late Well maybe I'm too late Where's my energy Call it all a waste 'Cause that could not be me Join the cabaret That's what they always say Well maybe I'm too late Am I just too late
5.
imaginary 02:49
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We're imaginary to each other At least for now With a blurry concept of a summer That you'll show up in, no doubt In this quiet house I've saved up my days alone to spend I've been missing out 'Cause you're so goddamn perfect in my head I don't even know your name And you don't know my voice A million things to say I'll hear you through the noise Well maybe in a year Or maybe tomorrow you'll be here I haven't made any plans So find me if you can Our imaginary conversations All write themselves Just a road trip with no destination 'Cause I know I shouldn't dwell On what's not real yet How can I miss nights I haven't spent With someone I haven't met Am I somebody perfect in your head I don't even know your name And you don't know my voice A million things to say I'll hear you through the noise Well maybe in a year Or maybe tomorrow you'll be here I haven't made any plans So find me if you can
6.
placebo (feat. Mvnu) 02:42
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You said I should watch my health Well I guess I'm there, finding remedies in lies I'd rather make it up myself With the bitter images melting in my eyes Little sweet placebos So I don't get the keynote That you don't even like me all that much You don't have to say it out loud Sugar pills of ego Don't tell me things that we both know I can't call in sick when we're in touch I could take those lies forever I can think of words I wish were true Fake a life together You control my You control my highs Recalling back when I said You could heal a man that's broken It's not that simple A heart attack from notions I can't hate an image I can't see It's not that simple Don't make me doubt reality Just fake me out till I believe No I can't think of the things that happened Doubting if all the words were real I can't stand Know you said what you meant for once but Taking in deceit's my medicine Little sweet placebos So I don't get the keynote That you don't even like me all that much You don't have to say it out loud Sugar pills of ego Don't tell me things that we both know I can't call in sick when we're in touch Little sweet placebos So I don't get the keynote That you don't even like me all that much You don't have to say it out loud Sugar pills of ego Don't tell me things that we both know I can't call in sick when we're in touch
7.
silhouette 03:09
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Like clockwork, on the dot I swear that I forgot I know we shouldn't talk A little says a lot Bright eyes and endless pause White lies all thrown across Why don't it ever stop It never seems to stop That's really all we got Again and again I guess Do I show up in your thoughts Or am I barely a silhouette Last week I was stuck outside The same streets and the cafe lines I'm just a stranger now The memories get me high Full of things that never were You were only a step away Am I naive to think it hurts When a friend of ours says your name Take off before I admit I'll pretend that you don't exist It'll work for a day or two Just for now Like clockwork, on the dot I swear that I forgot I know we shouldn't talk A little says a lot Bright eyes and endless pause White lies all thrown across Why don't it ever stop It never seems to stop Is it love Or solitude One way streets And empty rooms I don't mind I'm used to it And so are you Like clockwork, on the dot I swear that I forgot I know we shouldn't talk A little says a lot Bright eyes and endless pause White lies all thrown across Why don't it ever stop It never seems to stop Am I barely a silhouette Say it twice so I don't forget Again and again I guess I'm just a silhouette

about

a collection of songs written throughout 2022, exploring many kinds of anxiety and how the butterflies in your stomach can simultaneously feel dreadful, frustrating, and exciting.

Your purchase includes 2 exclusive bonus tracks

thank you for listening :)

credits

released May 12, 2023

All songs written, produced, and mixed by ghosthands
Mastered by Brian Sheil

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ghosthands Mississauga, Ontario

self-produced alternative pop from mississauga, ontario

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